Today is my first day of maternity leave. I woke up around 8:30 and thought "What am I supposed to do?" See, I have a little problem taking it easy. It's just not my style. I'm used to goinggoinggoing all.the.time. So the prospect of having to focus on just one thing for the next 12 weeks seems...odd. I know that "thing" is going to be a living, breathing baby who will rely on me for everything, but I still anticipate needing some distractions from being a full time mommy. Writing has always been my chosen method of clearing the mind. Hopefully this blog will help keep me sane while I figure out this next step in my life.
The last couple of years have been, for lack of a better word, freaking crazy. I married my husband Jeff in October 2009. We spent one blissful year just working and enjoying each other's company. We lived in our tiny one bedroom apartment in Pittsburgh, hung out with our friends, and basically didn't have much to do other than kick back and enjoy life.
That didn't last long.
Jeff decided to return to school in 2010. He always wanted to go into Physical Therapy but somehow ended up in higher education financial aid. I was so proud of him when he made the choice to take some action and totally change his career path. He enrolled in a Physical Therapy Assistance position in the fall of 2010, going to school part-time and working part-time.
Jeff's decision made me start thinking. I was getting too comfortable with my life. In college, I did about a million things and while it was exhausting, I always felt fulfilled because I did things I loved. While my life since graduating in 2006 was pretty comfortable, I felt like I was going nowhere. I needed to change that.
I started by joining a weight loss program offered through the university I work for. I lost 30 pounds and gained control over my life. I didn't realize how much my lack of confidence due to body image was holding me back. I felt powerful--like I could do anything I set my mind to. So I turned my mind to my career.
I've been working for the same non-profit organization since I was 19. I love my job. I realize I'm extremely blessed to be able to say that. My job inspires and empowers me. But I was just going through the motions. I wanted to push myself forward. So I decided to go back to school, too. I enrolled in a graduate program for public administration in January 2012.
And then life got really nuts.
With both Jeff and I in school and working, we barely saw each other. We were going full speed all last spring. On top of that, we decided to move from our miniature apartment to something a little spacier in a quieter part of town. We made it through that spring semester and started packing up our things when I realized I had "missed" something quite important to any young lady in April.
I was pregnant.
Our lives were turned on the head immediately. This was not in our plan! We were going to graduate, buy a house, and THEN we would have kids. This was all backwards! We just moved into a 2 bedroom apartment, we were both very much still in school, and Jeff was planning on completely quitting his job to go to school full-time in order to graduate in May. I had just started school. This was just all wrong.
But after a lot of freaking out and "what the hell are we going to do!?!" moments, we decided--we'll just do it all. Jeff will go to school full-time. I will work full-time and take my graduate classes at night. And we will become a family of three.
I can't even begin to describe how challenging the past 9 months have been. We are tested on a daily basis. But thankfully, Jeff and I have an extremely solid marriage and we've supported each other through each step. I'm not sure I would have made it without him. We also are surrounded by supported and loving friends and families. We are truly blessed.
And about to be blessed even more. I'm scheduled to be induced in the wee hours of the morning on Wednesday. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so reflective right now and encouraged to write this down. What I'm feeling at this very moment is pretty surreal. I have 48 hours left of life as I know it.
And then it will all change.
I'm feeling excited, impatient, and anxious to meet my daughter. And I'm obviously feeling very nervous. Not just about being a mom, but about me, too. Who am I going to be after Wednesday? This child will completely redefine me. Again.
I wanted my life to challenge me.
I got my wish.
Bring it on.
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